Especially when so many days dragged on forever. Three kids all three and under, one with special needs, zero family in the area, friends who were pretty much all in the same boat. I didn’t always handle those days well. And then we added a couple more wonderful human beings to the mix. Some days I saw the beautiful lives we were given; other days all I saw was chaos. Every day was a battle for perspective. Some days I won that battle. And then there were other days.
But yet, as they say, the days may be long but the years go fast no matter what. Thirty lightening quick, blurry years.
We made so many mistakes. And consequently, the regrets that come with them. But the only time there are none of those is when you are looking forward. In those beginning years, we did much looking forward. Like all married couples, we wanted the best for our marriage. Like all parents, we wanted the best for our kids. Dang. Looking forward is easier.
Looking back though, there are a couple of things I have no regrets about. None. I didn’t do 30 years of marriage perfectly. Not by a longshot. But I have no regrets about saying yes. I didn’t do all the years of parenting perfectly. On the contrary, there are so many things I wish we could change. But I have zero regrets about the five beautiful children who seem to believe that love covers a multitude of mistakes. If given the chance to do it all again, I’d say yes before the question even came out. I would just hope I could do it better. So much better.
So today I’m grateful. Grateful for a faithful and loving husband. Grateful for five loving, independent and kind children. Grateful for friends and family who have walked the entire journey with us. And for a God who, it would seem to me, had to be shocked by the amount of grace we needed each day just to survive. For all those reasons, I celebrate this day.