Positive Thoughts Only?

Life can be super sniper sneaky. 

Sometimes the pace of events runs faster than we can process it all. One thing hits us without warning; another follows closely behind. They don’t have to be big events. It’s usually just regular old routine life happening faster than we can keep up.

MAYBE JUPITER JUST ALIGNED WITH MARS
Maybe we got some unsettling news, or we saw a picture-perfect post on a less than picture-perfect day. Maybe our radically changed life has left us feeling empty. Someone may have let us down. Maybe Jupiter aligned with Mars: we have no clue why we’re struggling. But it’s still real.

OUR THOUGHT WILL AFFECT US
Here’s the “no choice” fact: our thoughts will affect us today. It helps if we can identify our thoughts and unhook them from past regrets, future fears, or present day tentativeness. But, just echoing the “Positive thoughts only” mantra is not always helpful. Sometimes it’s a little—well—mean.

I had been talking with a therapist about a number of things I was working through. She knew how much I valued positive thinking. One day I told her that I was just out of the blue sad. 

WHY “GOOD VIBES ONLY” ISN’T ALWAYS THE RIGHT RESPONSE
After I shared, she started talking about keeping my thoughts positive. I wanted to cry. Yes, I know. Yes, I tried. Like, every time we don’t have a positive thought, we did something wrong. I was pretty quiet after that. Every once in a while, our struggle with a thought seems bigger than normal, and we just can’t shake it. 

GIVING OUR THOUGHTS SOME SPACE TO LINGER
I have discovered that sometimes it might be best to acknowledge that our sadness (fear, anxiety, hopelessness, whatever) wants to hang out with us for a bit.  “Ok, you can stay. For a day. I will sit with you and hear you out. I won’t try to replace you with another thought. You want to be seen and heard. And I acknowledge that.”

TRUSTING OURSELES
If we’ve been practicing keeping our thoughts positive, we can trust ourselves with this process. Maybe we need to write about how we feel; maybe we need to share our thoughts with someone who will listen. I have found that when I give a thought permission to hang for a bit, I learn something from it. And within a very short period of time, it agrees to leave.

FOCUS ON THE GOOD BUT BE KIND TO YOURSELF 
For the most part, fixing our thoughts on the positive is our protection against this sniper sneaky life. It’s critical we don’t let negative thoughts just keep rolling in. 

But if we get hit out of the blue with a thought that just won’t leave, maybe it needs some space to work things out. Tomorrow is a new day and we can trust that our thoughts will be new as well. Reminding myself and all who need it: Good vibes and positive thoughts. But also, life happens and sometimes we need a day to get there. 

It’s ok. 

4 thoughts on “Positive Thoughts Only?

  1. I totally agree Kathy. I think the always be positive mantra can muddy the waters for many people. I much prefer the idea of applying radical acceptance to whatever emotion arises in any given moment. “The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.” – Dolly Parton. Great post 🙏

    Liked by 1 person

  2. It took me a while to understand and accept this concept. My husband died four years ago and it has taken me almost that long to understand that sometimes, when those moments of sadness come, to not battle them, but as you stated, allow them their moment. I think it just one more step toward healing.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh Rebecca. I am so sorry to hear that. The journey takes as long as it takes. But healing is a beautiful part of that journey. So much grace to you as you continue to move forward after such a difficult time💕

      Like

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