Category: Uncategorized

Here in Washington, as in many other places, restaurants are opening back up. The owners and managers are trying to figure out all the challenges, not the least of which is limited occupancy. They don’t get a 50% reduction in rent. Or utilities. Or salaries. Many employeees have been on generous unemployment and are making significantly less now that they are back at work. It is a whole new game.

I have kids and friends in the industry. The reports from just about all of them are so disturbing. Maybe it’s a matter of understanding? Employeees have rigorous new standards they have to uphold, new policies that they have to implement, and new risks they have to undertake as they serve the public. Maybe if people understood all that, then they would remember humanity?

People are flooding Yelp with bad reviews. They are spoutting negativity at the servers. Obviously this isn’t everyone, but it is also not the exception.

My daughter had one customer round up the bill from $77.60 to $78.00. She had one customer tell her she would die young because she was wearing a mask. She has had many customers complain about service, and she is one of the best. She wanted to quit in the middle of a shift.

Maybe if they realized she has to sanitize in between every interaction. That she cannot just go from one table to another. That no other staff member may approach the table. Maybe people are rude just because they don’t understand????

Tipping has plummeted. And they are now in a tip pool where all the tips are combined and shared equally with every employee in the restaurant. She gets maybe a third of tips earned. So that 40 cent tip left by one customer got divvied up between many. Do the math there.

I thought people would be so happy to get back out that they would be generous. Not just with tips but with kindness. With their words. With their “unmasked” at the table smiles.

Could we all just remember that we are not the only ones who have been affected by this madness? Can we remember humanity? Can we reach down and remember kindness? Can we be generous with each other?

Hopefully we are all trying to learn and educate ourselves in areas that we have not fully understood. But basic kindness should already be part of our old normal. May all forms of generosity be part of our returning. For everyone’s sake, wherever we are interacting with each other, let’s remember our humanity. Kindness, compassion, and generosity are the most basic and most beautiful components of that.

I recently saw this quote on Instagram with a picture of some mud run type event. I thought about how I haven’t done anything like that for a long time  and how I must not be changing. “Yikes, this does not look good.” And I said that from bed, in the middle of a rough RA flare.

I have been in an opposite season lately. For many reasons, I have been quiet, low key, meditative. When people post about races and successful careers and travel and community and collaboration and magical life experiences, I feel stagnant. Failure-ish.

But when I take my eyes off others and look deeply into what is happening in me, I can see differently. At some level, I know that change is continual. As I fine tune my focus to see the changes that have come during this season, I am better able to be at peace.

There are many avenues of change. Some come along and smack us in the face. No missing them. But others come quietly, in whispers. Those we can easily miss.

When we walk on the beach, or hike in the mountains, or sit beside a lake, we are changed by beauty. Beauty is one of the most powerful change agents I know. It transforms the edges of our soul and makes them less rigid, softer. It increases our sense of awe and wonder. It fills us with light. And that changes us.

When we gather with friends, we are changed by the power of vulnerability. Intimacy allows us to share the deepest parts of our selves. When someone trusts us with that, we cannot leave the same. A measure of brave and grace and compassion get woven into our souls. And that changes us.

When we keep a promise or continue to honor a commitment year after not-so-perfect year, we are changed by love. We become focused more on the ones we care about deeply. More and more with every choice. And that changes us.

When we look at art, or read a poem, or listen to music, or make something with our hands, we are changed by creativity.  The more attention we give to those moments, the greater chance they have to leave a mark in the deepest places of our soul. And that changes us.

When we look at our struggles and choose to believe tomorrow can be better, we are changed by hope. A recent accident set me back in my battle with RA. But if I’ve learned anything in this process, it is that today doesn’t set the rules for tomorrow. Hope is the firm expectation that tomorrow can be better. It believes that all is possible. And that changes us.

So let us challenge ourselves we we can, because that certainly can change us. But let’s also be aware of all the change agents we encounter every day. Beauty, friendships, relationships, creativity, and hope can all help us move forward in ways that make us more caring, loving, kind and graceful people.

And that changes everything.

Especially when so many days dragged on forever. Three kids all three and under, one with special needs, zero family in the area, friends who were pretty much all in the same boat. I didn’t always handle those days well. And then we added a couple more wonderful human beings to the mix. Some days I saw the beautiful lives we were given; other days all I saw was chaos. Every day was a battle for perspective. Some days I won that battle. And then there were other days.

But yet, as they say, the days may be long but the years go fast no matter what. Thirty lightening quick, blurry years.

We made so many mistakes. And consequently, the regrets that come with them. But the only time there are none of those is when you are looking forward. In those beginning years, we did much looking forward. Like all married couples, we wanted the best for our marriage. Like all parents, we wanted the best for our kids. Dang. Looking forward is easier.

Looking back though, there are a couple of things I have no regrets about. None. I didn’t do 30 years of marriage perfectly. Not by a longshot. But I have no regrets about saying yes. I didn’t do all the years of parenting perfectly. On the contrary, there are so many things I wish we could change. But I have zero regrets about the five beautiful children who seem to believe that love covers a multitude of mistakes. If given the chance to do it all again, I’d say yes before the question even came out. I would just hope I could do it better. So much better.

So today I’m grateful. Grateful for a faithful and loving husband. Grateful for five loving, independent and kind children. Grateful for friends and family who have walked the entire journey with us. And for a God who, it would seem to me, had to be shocked by the amount of grace we needed each day just to survive. For all those reasons, I celebrate this day.

Recently I saw this quote on Instagram, under a picture of a mud-run type event. And I thought, man, I better get out there and do something challenging because I haven’t done that recently and I am not changing. Yikes, this is not looking good.

But then I got thinking. I have been in an opposite season lately. For many reasons, I have been quiet, low key, meditative. When I’m at my lowest, like when I look at people doing races and being successful in careers and posting about travel and community and collaboration and magical life experiences, I feel stagnant. Failure-ish.

But when I take my eyes off others, and I look deeply into what is happening in me, I don’t see that so much. I see change in many areas. And I am at peace with this season.

There are many avenues of change. When we walk on the beach, or hike in the mountains, or sit beside a lake, we are changed by beauty. Beauty is one of the most powerful change agents I know. It transforms the edges of our soul and makes them less rigid, softer. It increases our sense of awe and wonder. And that changes us.

When we gather with good friends, the power of vulnerability changes us. Intimacy opens us up and allows us to exchange parts of ourselves. When someone trusts us with the deepest parts of themselves, we cannot leave the same. A measure of brave and grace and compassion get woven into our soul. And that changes us.

When we keep a promise or continue to honor a commitment year after not-so-perfect year, we are changed. We become focused less on our entitlements and more on the ones we care about deeply. And that changes us.

When we look at art, or read a poem, or listen to music, or create something with our hands, something inside of us changes. Whether we observe the creative process or engage in it ourselves, something in the deepest places of our soul get stirred. And that changes us.

So let us challenge ourselves we we can, because that certainly can change us. But let’s also be aware of all that is around us, all the change agents we encounter every day. Beauty, friendships, commitments, creation, and creativity can all help us move forward in ways that make us more caring, loving, kind and graceful people. And those changes can change everything.

This is not about a particular candidate or those who support them. The examples on either side could fill a book. I saw this recently on the politically rock solid Facebook app.

Oh, those 8th graders would eat this up. In the end they would understand why so few of our arguments are actually, well, arguments.

We need classes in logic, argumentation, and debate. In my 12th grade Rhetoric class,  students picked a subject they were passionate about and then–often reluctantly–argued for the opposing view. It showed the complexity of the issues involved and forced them to identify claims and warrants. They learned about the assumption of good will. Because vitriolic rhetoric that assumes the worst about others simply fosters divisiveness.

Critical thinking is creative and collaborative in every sense of the word. Active discussion in the classroom challenges both the student and the teacher. This is where learning happens. If we want to prepare students to be global citizens contributing to a better world, we have to help them become better thinkers. Critical thinking engages responsibility and sidelines privilege.

Maybe we would all be a little better if classes involving logic and thinking showed up in classrooms today. We may not stop the flood of fallacies, but we could at least identify them and understand why this is all so bad. Any possibility to do this before the “debates” begin???