Simply Enough

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There is a parable about a landowner who needed help at harvest. He offered a good wage for a day’s work and hired a number of employees. At the end of the day, he needed more help and hired others. When it came time to be paid, he called in those hired last and paid them the full day’s wage. Those hired first assumed they would get more. They didn’t and went away discontent.

I have always wondered why the employer didn’t pay the full-day workers first. They would have received what was promised and went away happy. They wouldn’t have seen what was given to those hired last. They were set up.

The reality is that this isn’t a parable about unfair labor practices.  It is about hearts. The first workers received exactly what was promised them. They apparently thought it was good enough when they accepted the offer. What made them discontent? They compared what they had to others and decided it wasn’t enough.

Oh, the problems that come when we compare. In this day where everyone’s “blessings” are posted and publicized, we can be like those first hirelings. Social media can set us up for comparison. In the parable, comparison revealed a discontented heart. When we see the blessings of others, do we become discontent with our own scarcity?

“The opposite of scarcity is not abundance. It is simply having enough.” Brene Brown

It’s a good idea to remember: We don’t need to have what others have. We don’t need to do what others are doing. We have enough.

Passion: Dream It or Live It

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“Do what you love and you won’t work a day in your life.”

This quote gets thrown around like a guiding principle for life. Find your passion. Do what you love. Don’t settle. Don’t work.

For many, passion has become the number one deciding factor in pursuing careers. And it can be confusing, misleading, and wrong for so many people.

During times of career challenges, I have listened to people ask my husband: What are you passionate about? He couldn’t think of one thing, at least relative to work. He had been in sales and, as anyone who knew my husband could attest, sales was definitely not his passion. But he couldn’t think of a passion which would lead him to a new job. That question often led to discouragement.

I think a better principle might be: “Be passionate about your life and you will find a million ways to be passionate about your job.” Then, even though you may have a job that isn’t your passion, you see a bigger picture. Maybe seemingly “lesser values” need to come forward again. Maybe values like respect, faithfulness, excellence, and kindness are not fully developed and need to come forth.

Being passionate about life can influence so many others. It is how we think about our everyday, ordinary lives. No matter what our circumstances—which, by the way, are always in flux.

Knowing our value apart from what we do is paramount. If we wait to find our passion or decide that life only counts when we are living our dream, we miss a lot of life. It’s not about resigning to life as it is, but rather having a confidence that I am where I am for a reason. It isn’t a lazy “settling,” but a purposeful trusting. We need to recognize that the everyday things of today are training us for tomorrow. Which may or may not translate to “having the job we love.”

My husband eventually got another sales job. It was not his “dream job,” but he has given it everything he has, has treated people with respect, and has valued his customers with the highest level of customer service. The man without a passion for sales just got named one of the top sales reps in the country. And rewarded with an amazing trip to sunny tropical places!

Follow dreams, passions, and adventure whenever that is the right course. But always remember that our lives are intrinsically valuable apart from what we do. If we are passionate about our lives, every day affords the opportunity to practice excellence, respect, and kindness. We can make our everyday ordinary lives look like they matter a whole lot. Because really, they do.

“How we do anything is how we do everything.”

Things Frosty Knew…

“Frosty the snowman knew the sun was hot
that day. So he said, ‘Let’s run and we’ll have
some fun now before I melt away.'”

A shift in the atmosphere can shift everything. Frosty knew that “the sun was hot that day.” And the shape of things was about to change.
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It seems every Christmas I get struck by the meaning of a particular carol. This one seemed a bit far fetched, but somehow it helped me make sense of some things. It has been a long challenging season of change. I guess I thought the “snowman thing” was going to last forever. But seasons change. And so does the shape of life. It looked one way. But the “hot sun” changed it up.

There’s many of us in this season…maybe a melting away of a dream, a career, a relationship, a community, our health, our vision. If the “hot sun” has changed things up, we can rejoice still. Because melting away things are not the end of any story.

There are cartoons depicting Frosty looking concerned about, even sweating, the arrival of the hot sun. But the song says that Frosty knew about the sun. And he told his friends that they were going to run and have some fun before things changed.

When Frosty waved goodbye, he told them not to cry. He would be back again one day. He gave the one thing that could help them move on when things were about to change. He gave them hope. He pointed to the future and helped them see differently.

So this year’s carol taught me a few things. The first is that the “snowman thing” is likely going to change at some point. I can’t get so stuck on my life as it is that I close myself off to what will be added as those things change.

The second is to live in the present. Frosty told his friends they were going to be enjoying the time that they had, not worrying about the time they didn’t. There are things I know are in the process of changing, but I need to keep my eyes on today. Before they change, I want to enjoy the time we have! As for things that have already changed, I can choose to think positively, enjoying the transition season and the promise it holds.

Finally, our words can offer hope to those in shifting seasons. We have to be willing to see when the “hot sun” is changing things up for people and then be generous with our words. I know I have benefitted as people have been conduits of hope for me. Kindness, encouragement, generosity, and gratitude are ways we can offer hope to those in shifting seasons.

Melted away things are never the final word. They may signal a change in the atmosphere and a need to move forward in a different way. But there is always something beyond the melting.

There is renewal and rebirth. The resurrection of a new form is taking place. Even Frosty knew that:)

“And he waved goodbye saying don’t you cry
I’ll be back again someday!”

Our Processing Lens

“Life is amazing. And then it’s awful.
And then it’s amazing again.
And in between the amazing and awful,
it’s ordinary and routine.
Breathe in the amazing, hold on through the awful,
and relax and exhale during the ordinary.
That’s just living heartbreaking, soul-healing,
amazing, awful, ordinary life.
And it’s breathtakingly beautiful.”  ~L. R. Knost

The truth is that this shift between amazing and awful and ordinary can all occur within the span of a day. Some days, we are amazed at how much good there is. Some days the awful outweighs the amazing. And some days the mundane seems endless and there is nothing to suggest it will ever change.

The biggest challenge is knowing how to process all the shifts that can come into a day. Celebrating, standing, and breathing are the three responses I have recently come to find most helpful.

1. I am learning to celebrate the good that comes in life. Often, it is a very small event that I just celebrate quietly in my heart. Other times they are events worth sharing with others.  And other times, well, let’s just have something sparkling with dinner. Because it was that good. When we look for things to celebrate, we just might have to look past things that want us to do otherwise.

2.  In the midst of a shift, standing still is gradually becoming my go-to. I used to be a mover and a doer, and my life was crowded with busy. If I had any down time, I filled it. And in between it all, fear and worry vied for my attention. Now, I try to determine if there is anything I need to do. If I have no part in the solution, I practice being still. Fear doesn’t have to overtake me. Worry and anxiety are not friends. And running faster only makes me tired. Being still may feel counterintuitive at times, but my body is beginning to heal and I am finding much peace there.

3.  Whenever something wants to bring a stress response, I am intentionally focusing on breathing. I catch myself revving up and can feel my heart begin to race. I can not handle that these days. So I stop, even if it’s just for a minute, and breathe deeply. I am signaling to my body that it is not in flight or fight mode, and it is ok to settle down. I am taking more time to breathe and meditate because a body in stress is a body in trouble. I need my body to heal from years of living that way. It is not a luxury; it is an essential.

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Our perspective determines our attitude. How we see is more important than what we see. Our minds can trick us into thinking that things are not good, that we are not good, that our lives are not good. I am learning to fix my mind on the “breathtakingly beautiful” in this awfully ordinary world. It is the most helpful lens I own.

Thanksgiving or Thanksgetting?

“Happy Thanksgetting.”

Those are the sentiments in the latest Verizon commercial. Initially, it made me mad. Until I realized that they were simply stating what all the other ads were implying. They are actually the sentiments in every single commercial aimed at the holiday consumer. Don’t focus on giving thanks people; focus on getting stuff.

During this season, I am continually challenging myself on my thoughts. Am I focused on giving, on gratitude? Or am I focused on getting, on lack? Oh to be grateful for the simple things we have. The sound of a loved one walking through the door, the sight of a pantry filled with food, the smell of a frosty fall morning. Gratitude sees our mundane and calls it beautiful. It covers our ordinary with wonder.
“When a person doesn’t have gratitude, something is missing in his or her humanity.” Elie Wiesel
Let our lives demonstrate gratitude this season. There is a big difference between Thanksgiving and Thanksgetting. Let’s be those who celebrate Thanksgiving with hearts that see the wonder in our beautifully ordinary lives. And cause others to celebrate theirs as well.
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Thankfulness matters.

Happy Thanksgiving!

The Radical Decision to Tidy Up

When I first read about the book, The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up, I knew it was ultimately about my life, and I wasn’t emotionally prepared to do that at the time. So when that book made its way into my cart at Costco, I knew I was as ready as I was going to be. This book is about letting go of things we own. That process can be challenging.

I had a hard time at first with the book. She advocates the practice of thanking the things we own. I easily give thanks FOR things that I have. But never TO them. And, quite frankly, I chuckled a bit as I read about thanking these things, out loud. But I kept reading. I was definitely ready for this letting go.

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She tells you to put every article of clothing you own in one place–forcing you to look at all that’s there. Then she states the only guideline for keeping anything: Does it bring you joy? Okay. So, what if it doesn’t bring you joy–but you spent a ton of money on it? Costly things are hard to let go. I justified those purchases by allowing them space in my closet. I pulled a couple of expensive items out of the pile, things that had hung for a long time. I thanked them—yes, out loud– for serving their purpose that season (even if it was just in the act of buying them).

It is hard to let go of things that cost us. So we will often just keep them to avoid thinking that we overspent or made a bad decision. But what if really did cost that much to satisfy a need we had at the time? Lying to myself about possibly wearing it one day isn’t justifying the cost. Coming to terms with why I bought it in the first place does. Once I had the perspective that it wasn’t about the number of times I wore the thing, but instead about the purpose it served at the time, I was able to release it.

So finally, I came face to face with the life application. I had invested many years in some things that had recently come crashing down. I held on to all the emotions attached because, after all, it had cost me plenty. I let so many emotions “hang in the back of the closet” for a while. Letting go of them seemed wasteful. Until I came to terms with the lack of joy those emotions brought. Sorry, it is time to thank you and let you go.

Letting go helps us in so many ways:

1.     It unclutters our lives.
Cluttered lives are stressful. We have a hard time focusing and a hard time resting because there is always something vying for attention. In a yelling at us kind of way.
2.     It makes our lives bigger.
I used to think the more I had going on, the bigger my life. Wrong. During that season, I couldn’t say yes to anything new. I was cramped and had little space to breathe. My space now seems expansive and I honestly feel like I can see so much farther. And feel so much more joy.
3.     It allows more room for other things.
There are things we can invest in now, maybe with more wisdom and gratitude for what that all means. We are more comfortable with who we are, with who we are becoming, in our own skin. It’s not about comparison and performance measurements. It’s about being brave and authentic and honest with ourselves.

It’s true. I am now thanking inanimate objects. But I have also been able to thank those life experiences that produced a sense of sadness, loss, and regret. “You served a purpose in my life, and I am grateful for the way you shaped me, the way you changed me. I am grateful TO and I am grateful FOR everything that has helped me grow.

After letting go, there is letting grow. That’s the point of going through all this. That’s the magic in tidying up. It’s time to move forward; there is so much room to grow.

“Sometimes the greatest thing to come out of all your hard work isn’t what you get for it, but what you become for it. Shake things up today! Be You…Be Free…”
Steve Maraboli, Life, Truth, and Being Free

Beauty in the Simple

Sometimes I can get discouraged by all the encouragement out there.

Every day, there is a pin or a post about never giving up, letting our dreams be bigger than our fears, never limiting our vision. And I picture all these people doing huge things and influencing thousands of people.

And I feel small. And sometimes question whether I have anything to offer that will matter. But then I remember her.
Beanie Lady

Every sunny day, this precious 90-something woman in a bright yellow coat and a beanie copter hat walked down a sidewalk by my house, plastic bag in hand. I would often see her standing, pointing to something not visible to my eye. Or picking up garbage. And I must admit, I thought she was a little, well, crazy. Until I met her.

One spring day I was out walking and saw her in the distance beckoning me to come. She was enthusiastically pointing at something, and I honestly didn’t see what she was pointing at. “It’s a leaf! It’s not just a bud, but it’s blossomed into a leaf. Isn’t that just beautiful!” This 90-year old woman who has seen the signs of spring for that many years was still struck by the beauty the season. And I would have missed it.

I stopped to chat with her the next time I passed her by on my walk. She was picking up garbage and putting it in that little plastic bag. “I love beauty so I go out and pick up the garbage I see on my walk. It helps this place look better.” I asked her if I could take her picture. She seemed shocked that I wanted her picture, but she smiled big and walked away happy. I walked away changed.

The next sunny day, I looked for her. And the time after that. Sadly, I never saw her again. She never knew the impact she had on my life. She appreciated beauty, noticed the little things, and did what she could with what she had. It’s really so simple. She taught me to look for the leaf amongst the buds, to have eyes that perceive beauty, and create more beauty wherever I happen to be. Simply, to do what I can with what I have.

I didn’t read that in a book, a pin, or a post. I learned it from a 90-year old woman picking up garbage in a beanie copter hat. She was truly a woman of perception, maybe even an angel with a sense of style.

Every beauty which is seen here by persons of perception
resembles more than anything else
that celestial source from which we all are come.
Michaelangelo

Rethinking the Face of Brave

There has been a lot written recently about being brave. And, because I have never considered myself brave, I have had to do some rethinking about it all.

A number of things used to pop into my mind when I heard the word brave. Like fighting on the front lines of war. Or jumping out of an airplane. Or becoming a human shield in a dangerous situation. Brave always felt big. Few would argue its value as a virtue. I have never considered myself to have those tendencies. I have never wanted to jump out of a plane and sometimes wonder if I wouldn’t be one to run for cover in a dangerous situation.

But I have had to rethink that word lately. The word implies courage and enduring some measure of pain or danger. Who hasn’t done that? Just because I never (ever) want to go skydiving doesn’t mean I am not brave. It’s just that we have reserved that word for big moments that get attention. But those small moments that no one sees warrant the use of that word as well. There are brave men and women on the front lines everyday.

We all participate in the dailyness of life, where there’s peaks and valleys, chutes and ladders, glorious days and super hard days. Choosing to stay in the game when the super hard days just keep coming takes courage. Those seasons happen more than we might like. But they become part of what makes us who we are. They become part of our brave.

I can remember when our oldest son was only months old and was labeled “failure to thrive.” He was not eating and we asked about having a feeding tube put in. The doctor said there wasn’t much sense putting a tube in if “he wasn’t going to be any good.” Yes. He said those words. If he winds up living, he said, he wouldn’t ever walk or talk. Go home and think about all that. Talk about dark night. The next day, our physical therapist came to see him and asked what was wrong. We explained what the doctor had said. “That boy has too many skills to come to that conclusion.” Her words gave us hope. And we got a different doctor and we fought for our son. Kind of like on the front lines. In a battle.View More: http://josiahmichael.pass.us/gilbert-family
So many challenging days between that moment and today. But I think brave looks like believing when the odds are against you. Which may look like believing for your child with special needs that can’t even be quantified. Or loving a spouse when you are not even speaking. Or staying in the battle with a child who has chosen to disobey for the zillionth time. Or celebrating a friend’s pregnancy when your test came back negative, again. Or with the washing machine that refuses to keep up with the piles. Or with the day that is too short for what needs to be done and sometimes too long to get through with your sanity. Or fill in the blank with what we all face from day to day.

Suddenly, jumping out of an airplane seems an easier proof of brave.

Risk: Discovering Beauty Outside Our Comfort Zones

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Risk. I have always thought of it as a big deal, something unfamiliar and maybe even dangerous, like moving to a new area, changing careers, leaving unhealthy relationships, or jumping out of airplanes. Not something I would want to do everyday.

But Warren Buffet has a definition that gives risk a more daily perspective. He believes that, “Risk comes from not knowing what you’re doing.” Muscles grow when we ask them to do more than they are used to doing. Every time we take a step during a time of “not knowing,” we are getting stronger.

There are many reasons we can find “not knowing what we’re doing” seasons. Life happens and we often find ourselves confronting situations that are new territory, even if the shift is relatively minor.

These situations can feel disarming, strange and confusing. But the more comfortable we get with this not knowing, the more willing we can be to take risks that we don’t think about when life is filled with the busy and familiar.

One thing I have found over the years: “comfort zone” wants to be my default setting. A comfort zone is a place where security is high and anxiety low, a place we feel some measure of control. Choosing to visit there is healthy; opting to stay there is not. It is outside our comfort zone where we are able to grow.

Whether risk is a big move or a response to not knowing what we’re doing, it involves saying yes to a step that leads away from security and comfort. We don’t always like that idea.

This last year has proven to be a starting-over period for me that began a lot like the others. At some point, I said yes to doing something new. It started as a small step and began a journey down a path of discovery.

The school I taught at for 25 years had unexpectedly closed down, affecting finances, relationships and security. At the same time, I was also diagnosed with an autoimmune disease. I went from a long season of having more life than each day could hold to being mostly home alone without a job. My kids were going to college, moving out, and getting married.

But most life transitions come like that. We find ourselves in situations we may not have chosen. Or we chose them and they weren’t what we expected. Viktor Frankl writes, “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”

So I took some tentative steps away from the familiar and allowed that to lead to the next. The hardest part of risk is not knowing how it will turn out. Will there be rejection, or failure, or loss? There are no guarantees when we sign up to get stronger. Only the promise of stagnant comfort zones if we opt out.

Whether it’s by choice or not, being uncomfortable pushes us further than we think we can go. But risks don’t have to look big or make us anxious. We can challenge ourselves in small ways everyday that come from not knowing what we’re doing.

Tips for Exercising Our Risk Muscle:

  1. Make a list of things we would do if it weren’t uncomfortable. It can be trying that class offered on Groupon, or finding a new place to walk. It can be sitting still for 20 minutes to switch out our thoughts. Maybe it’s going back to school or maybe it’s going for a hike.
  2. Remind ourselves that being uncomfortable means we are growing. If we never place a demand on ourselves, our lives will get smaller.
  3. Allow for surprise. We can go to a new restaurant and not google it beforehand. We can go somewhere we have never been and discover it the old-fashioned way. Instead of Google maps, we allow serendipity to lead the way. Maybe we even skip the virtual tour and discover a place when we see it for the first time!
  4. Open up to the world. We can intentionally set out to learn something new, whether it’s reading a top-selling biography or listening to a podcast.
  5. Think of people who might need what we have. We can make a call, send a text, give a word of encouragement, a gift, or a meal. Our lives matter. We can risk giving them away.

Our risk muscle can actually grow stronger as we walk through life. All it requires is not knowing what we’re doing. I love that transition seasons have this woven into their very nature. Every day we can find a reason to celebrate the beauty we are finding both within and without.

He who doesn’t risk never gets to drink champagne.”~ old Russian proverb.

Cheers!

Resilience

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One of the most important qualities to have is the ability to keep our eyes on the good around us. It is knowing that we have purpose and that our lives matter. And that difficult moments don’t have to define our life. It is being willing to keep our eyes open to see those moments in context. We will always be required to wrestle with perspective if we are going to be resilient.

There are many ways to wrestle with perspective, but one of the most effective is through connection—from relationships that give us support when we need it. Our emotions are powerful and help us navigate life. Fear can keep us from danger, anger can help us make necessary changes, and sadness can help us process loss. We have to be brave enough to let them help us but wise enough to keep them from steering us off track.

Sadness can be telephoto during times of loss. And while that is okay for a time, those we trust can gradually help us look through a bigger lens. We can’t always see that we have been zooming for too long. They remind us of other emotions that we have to allow in for our health and well-being—like gratitude, kindness, forgiveness, compassion, joy. They  help us get back in touch with the enlarged view that has been just out of our sight.

Community provides a way to feel safe, and often, sane. Just hearing someone tell me that my feelings are normal can stop the landslide of self-doubting thoughts. When I have felt disoriented, getting together with someone I trust has grounded me. Standing right by my side, they have helped me turn my feet forward.

There is much value in social media, but I believe that as we interact face to face with those who we are connected with, there is opportunity to be changed at a cellular level. After being with a close friend, I often have an increased sense of hope. And strength. And a more positive outlook on life. Our thoughts definitely impact our well-being. 

Resilience is an enlarged capacity to embrace all that makes life worth living in the face of difficulty. Often it requires wrestling with perspective. As we switch out our lens to see the bigger picture, often with the help of those we are connected with, we build resilience into our character. And that creates an inner beauty that no amount of money can buy.